Thank you sir, may I have another

Life has been a steady climb in the past few months... moving higher up the ladder i always knew existed, just never knew where to find it... all the joys in life have been fortuitously cast in my direction. I'd like to think it has been the fruits of my labor's for the past few years. Once I hit 30 I really got a grip on life and woke up out of my comfort zone to do something to make something to create something. A stale relationship pushed me into a passion fueled craze of investing time into myself which is something I have never really done. I feel like the past 5 years I have been working in a lab, and am finally opening the door to my room, and realizing what sunlight is again... everything is new. everything is how i'd imagined it.

I often tell myself and others to " embrace the struggle ". I know in today's world that is a foreign concept. It seems as if old world ideologies, the core existance of beings is somewhat tarnished and gone. So why, If I speaketh this mantra, am I having such a hard time with it? More times then not, I battle the headwind of struggle face forward. In the past few days I have embraced it as much as when my aunt used to want to give me a hug. If you knew my aunt, you'd understand. The talking two inches from your face with cokebottle glasses that only protected herself from the spit she was casting due to the proximity of her face to hers. You would leave a conversation as if you had just walked out of the shower.

So I wonder. Is it in the rough times when one finds their true strength? Is it when you feel you are at the brink of disaster, and you see the demons in your life, that you come to terms with life and its ills and either make it or break it?

I find myself analyzing things 

 as if I am in a room full of sleeping dogs and im dressed like this guy hopped up on red bull.

late bloomer

sometimes it takes me awhile to catch onto things. a long while. my life has been monotonous at times, willingly imprisoning myself in my room... which jockeyed itself between fortress of solitude and 4 walls of metaphorical mirrors, showing me sides of myself i'd rather not see. What amazes me is the door was unlocked. i willingly kept myself in here for so long... even in my old place i did the same thing... now i feel as if time is a changin'. Someone has taken kindly to show me the side of things I havent had the where with all to do on my own. I feel almost indebted to this person for helping me let go of all I knew and allowing me to see the things I always knew to exist, just didnt know where they resided.'

thank you.

on the cusp of something wonderful

I feel as if i am standing in front of my future

I look behind me and see everywhere I have been

the echo of voices reverberate in my head

opinions hang in the walls of my mind like paintings

wherever I move , eyes are always following me

There is a different feeling this time

I dont know what to make of it

I feel there is a quiet innocence before me

unmarred by the ills of the world

It is a  landscape set before me

that I want burned into memory

as always being this beautiful

I know in time

my eyes that view this will change

and the body holding me up will grow weary

but i will fight that off as long as possible to 

remember where I am now and what led

me to what i am seeing now

I hope I can give creedence 

and do justice by what is set before me

because I know not everyone 

can see a landscape like this

the night

Brings confusion and realizations all in one. so many times do I see people looking out windows and wonder what it is they are searching for. their gaze set on nothing in particular, more of an empty stare, perhaps in those lost moments of time, they are looking within themselves.

you should have come over. but it's better that you didn't

Sometimes a man gets carried away,

When he feels like he should be having his fun

Much too blind to see the damage he's done

Sometimes a man must awake to find that, really,

He has no-one...
 
- Jeff Buckley
 
 
why do these words ring so true? How does one stumble upon that thought that's been lingering in one's head in life. Then it's like wow, I'm not alone in this. Someone beat me to the punch. A mixture of different things are swirling about my head right now.Makes me think that sometimes what we want isn't always the best for us. That the let downs help us in the long run over the temporary disappointments. It's hard to see at the time, real hard. I guess that's why people chalk it up to experience and that the quiet knowledge of having gone through it bring's about a certain solace within one's self.

For some reason

John Register paintings and David Gray have been making their way in my head as of late. David it setting the compositions down, as John is getting there 5 minutes before me. When I photograph things, I tend to have both in my head. I don't know what it is that I am drawn to. I guess I see the beauty in the desolation. How very cryptic, I know... but sometimes, it just makes sense.

Expectant Mothers

Parking spots are a pleasant lil surprise when trying to find a place to put your car at the food store. Before people go out front of my house with picket signs and that lady that protested Bush outside of his ranch, I shall digress. Where were those spots when our mothers were pregnant? Oh, that's right... they were strong enough to walk the extra 5 feet to get where they needed to go. I could poke that giant balloon that looms over us, the ills of the world and all the travesties within, but I shant ( if that's even a word, if not, it is now ) go there at this juncture in time. It just makes me think about things. We have spots for handicapped, expectant mothers, those with children. In all fairness, why don't we have one for veterans of wars? Maybe we could make spots especially for the obese, we could put them further away from the store so they burn more calories going in to get whatever it is they need. The need to compartmentalize everything in this society seems redundant. It's almost as if we have something trivial, someone wants to make a bill or a law for it, then get the credit for being the one that enacted it. Call me silly, but do we need all this?